


Okazu

by Anonymous



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Fourth Shinobi War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 18:16:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kage level fame has some weird side effects.





	Okazu

“Ah, there’s one more thing,” the Raikage’s secretary said, crushing Kakashi’s dream of an early end to their meeting.

“Hm? What—” A, palms braced on the massive round table, had been about to rise. Then his gaze met that of his flustered assistant – who even on her best days was nowhere near as unflappable as her deceased predecessor had been – and he pulled a face as he sank back into his chair. “Oh. _That._ ”

“That?” Next to Kakashi, Terumi Mei narrowed her eyes. Her voice dripping the kind of toxicity only a person able to spit poison clouds could muster, she asked, “Surely you don’t mean… _that_?”

Kakashi cleared his throat. If Gaara-kun’s completely expressionless face was anything to go by – but then when was it ever? Plus, the Kazekage’s two chief advisors, his older siblings, were exchanging meaningful glances.

Oonoki folded his arms across his chest. “This topic is beneath us,” he declared, glowering.

“Shikamaru?” His own young advisor sucked in a deep breath.

“Ah, Rokudaime-sama, I think this might be about the upcoming trial.” Suddenly deeply interested in the closed file in front of him, Shikamaru coughed. “We should let Yabui-san explain, since the criminals were apprehended near Kumogakure.”

 _Criminals?_ Kakashi racked his brain. There had been some kind of memo…

“Are we talking about the contraband?” Some young, low-level shinobi who had smuggled and sold something or other, Kakashi remembered. What had it been exactly?

He sighed when it came back to him. _Pornographic material_ , Shikamaru’s memo had read.

“I’ve summarized the specifics for everyone. Here.” Yabui walked around the table, putting single sheets of paper in front of each individual.

Kakashi skimmed the page he had received.

Pornographic material check. Chūnin level group check. Use of henge to impersonate famous shinobi che—

_Oh._

Kakashi suppressed a groan. Well, that explained the sour faces. He looked up from the offending piece of paper and saw that young Yabui had produced a stack of video tapes from somewhere.

“We have the evidence—”

“Are you seriously asking us to watch this filth?” Terumi Mei was staring daggers at the topmost tape. A pink label stuck on its side: _Kage Summit Two: The Mounting of the Mizukage._ Kakashi found himself wondering abstractly whose mounting Kage Summit One had been.

“I refuse,” she hissed. “And I vote for the death penalty!”

“Tch. You’re being unreasonable. This is nothing new. We are living legends; we are in their history books; we are on their minds, of course we are in their pornography as well. It’s a misdemeanor at best.” Oonoki turned to Gaara. “What do you say, Kazekage?”

There was only the gentle suggestion of a frown on Gaara’s face. Much to Kakashi’s surprise – and judging from the audible intakes of breath around the table, everyone else’s  - he reached out and picked up Kage Summit Two, turning it over in his hands as if he could see the contents just from studying the video cassette.

“I’m not sure I understand. People use henge to transform to look like us and then film themselves having sexual intercourse? This is… disconcerting, but it does not break the laws of my village.”

“Uh, people can’t go around pretending to be you, though. Impersonating the Kazekage _is_ definitely a crime,” Kankuro pointed out.

Gaara’s frown deepened. “But they are not pretending to be me. They are not doing anything I would do. And they are not deceiving anyone. They are simply having sex.”

“Hm. He has a point. No one would believe these things to be the real deal. You’d have to be a complete idiot.” The Raikage shook his head, “Still…”

“I don’t think we can pass judgement without seeing the evidence,” Gaara said.

“Gaara…” groaned Temari. Kankuro made a choking noise. “Oi…”

***

There was no way they’d all sit in a room together and watch porn featuring copies of themselves. At least not without starting another shinobi world war, there wasn’t. Or so Terumi Mei declared. Before storming off to her quarters, she grabbed _Kage Summit Two_ and another tape titled _Nights in the Bloody Mist_.

“This is undignified,” Oonoki grumbled.

“ _A Lesson in Leadership – the Hokage takes the Kazekage under her Wing!”_ Gaara read. Kakashi cringed under the Kazekage’s blank gaze. “I think a lot of the Hokage ones feature the Godaime, Kakashi-sama.”

 _There’s no need to sound apologetic,_ he thought, even as he felt the tips of his ears turn crimson.

 _Leaves in a Thunderstorm – Hokage and Raikage clash!_ The title alone was enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He could only hope Gaara was right.

***

Naturally the luxurious quarters of the Rokudaime Hokage had not one but two big TVs. One in the living room area in front of an expensive looking leather couch and one in the bedroom. It made Kakashi wonder if the possibility of the kage actually viewing the evidence had been taken into account when deciding on the equipment available in their lodgings.

He made a point of sitting on the couch when Shikamaru brought him the tapes. “Only things that might feature me,” he’d told his advisor, “I’m going to watch the first couple of minutes to determine how badly they damage my reputation and then we’ll go from there.”

A fine would be enough, Kakashi thought. A slap on the wrist and then they would burn the tapes and pretend they’d never seen them. What did he care how people got their rocks off?

At least Shikamaru had the decency to look uncomfortable as he set the three video tapes down on the couch table in front of Kakashi. Three. Kakashi decided that he might be able to live with that number. Of course, he didn’t want to think about anything that might still be in circulation or production. More or less secretly he agreed with Oonoki that there was really nothing they could do about this. They were famous, and this was just one strange side effect of the behemoth that was kage level fame.

_A Lesson in Leadership Two – From Five to Sixxx_

As he fed the tape into the recorder, Kakashi wondered idly what his esteemed predecessor would have to say about him watching this. Probably nothing. Probably she’d let her fists do the talking.

There was the title screen, then the relief of seeing an absolutely cheap-looking shot of the Hokage mountain, clearly made from Styrofoam. Then cut to the inside of what Kakashi guessed was supposed to be the Hokage office. If anything, it resembled the reception desk of a shabby inn.

But then fake Tsunade-sama walked into the shot and Kakashi cringed. She looked the part. A perfect henge. Following just a few steps behind her was his doppelganger. Hatake Kakashi in his jōnin blues, his profile Kakashi’s profile. Under the mask it might be a different story, but the way he looked dressed was perfect.

“There’s still so much I need to learn from you, Godaime-sama. I don’t think I’m ready to be Hokage yet.”

Voice modulation, too, Kakashi thought, somewhat impressed despite himself. So they’d done their homework. They were shinobi after all. Rotten ones, for sure, but shinobi nonetheless.

Tsunade casually sat on the desk. “Oh?” she asked, “Like what?”

They sure were getting to the point quickly.

Kakashi’s doppelganger hesitated, his eyes – two dark ones, they’d gotten their timeline right – darting to Tsunade’s cleavage.

“Say, Kakashi,” she drawled suggestively as she leaned towards him, crossing and uncrossing her legs, “you never had a mommy, did you?”

Kakashi nearly bruised his fingertip on the eject button.

He couldn’t suppress a full body shudder. Maybe the Mizukage had had a point after all…

The second tape was called _Taking the Fifth._ It had the flimsiest of all plots, something about a jutsu to bring back the dead and infuse the living with their power, a sacred ritual Kakashi inexplicably took part in, a weird excuse to get all the Hokage – dead and alive – into one big orgy centering around Tsunade-sama.

“He’s her grandfather,” Kakashi told the uncaring television screen before ejecting the tape. At least this one had been far less accurate with the long dead kage whose voices were not known to the general public.

This left him with one last tape. Sighing, Kakashi picked it up. The title told him nothing. _Burning Leaves: Undying Loyalty_ , that could mean anything. It didn’t even sound particularly porny. If it had been an erotic novel, Kakashi would have given it a miss. He wondered if Shikamaru had watched part of it to make sure it even featured him in some way.

 _Whatever_ , Kakashi thought as he put the tape in. He would watch a couple of minutes of this, then hopefully feel closer to determining an adequate punishment for the production and distribution of this stuff. Though he couldn’t say that the videos had helped so far. But then the next meeting would be tomorrow; he’d have the whole night to think about it. He could take a bath and relax after this. Just a couple more minutes of no doubt cringeworthy awkwardness.

Black screen, then the title card. Red writing melting into the bluish white of a hospital room. _Here we go_ , Kakashi thought. Time for some nurse!Tsunade porn.

The camera zoomed in on the foot of a hospital bed. Sideview. A pair of feet under a nondescript blanket. The frame slid along the body, upwards. A scarred hand balled into a fist. Like a caress the camera moved up the arm in closeup, tracing fine hair and scars up to the man’s shoulders, the curve of his collarbone, his muscular neck, the sharp angle of his jaw.

Something tightened in Kakashi at the sight of those slightly parted lips. Narrow and a little chapped. The man turned his head away from the camera as it slid up to reveal him – unnecessarily, since Kakashi already knew, would have known those calloused knuckles anywhere – to gaze out of the window. His hair was smooth and shiny like black velvet.

It was the last thing Kakashi had expected. He watched in disbelief as Maito Gai turned to him – Hatake Kakashi the viewer and Hatake Kakashi the character who entered the room, the camera zooming out to show him from behind. Again in full uniform, hands in his pockets, shoulders slumping.

 “Gai, how are you feeling today?”

 _Inspired dialogue_ , Kakashi thought, trying not to wonder when he’d last asked Gai this simple question.

“Hokage-sama!”

 _Wrong, he wouldn’t call me that._ Gai’s eyes were wide with what looked like genuine surprise, though. “I’m honored that you would visit me!”

_Of course I would visit him. He’s my friend. He fought Uchiha Madara. He almost died. We wouldn’t be so formal._

Under his mask, Kakashi pressed his lips together as the camera zoomed in on his doppelganger sitting down awkwardly on the side of Gai’s bed. The two were facing each other, Gai scooting hastily to make room and bowing his head.

“Hokage-sama…”

His voice sounded like Gai’s, but tone and actual words were off. It matched the way Gai had spoken to the Third, which made it weird with Kakashi in the picture.

“You haven’t answered my question,” said fake Kakashi. Playfully, that was at least a little like him. Although he knew he often had a more mocking edge when talking to his friend.

“I… I am fine.” A resolute nod. The diction and mannerisms were more Lee’s than Gai’s.

Film Kakashi chose this moment to cover Gai’s fist with his right hand. Their hands filled the frame, Kakashi’s thumb slipping suggestively into the space between Gai’s thumb and index finger.

“Kakashi-sama..?”

“Are you really? You know you must not lie to your Hokage.”

_Corny._

Film Kakashi was leaning in close, but the mask still covered the lower half of his face. Kakashi doubted the illusion would last if he took it off. Few people knew what he looked like without it. The actors would have had to guess. He kind of wanted to see what they had gone with, he told himself. Besides, this was moving kind of slowly. It would be okay for a couple more minutes.

His fingertips were digging into his thighs. Kakashi took a deep breath and flexed his fingers. _Relax,_ he told himself, _this is a joke_.

“Are you in pain, Gai?” Film Kakashi was stroking Gai’s arm now, a gentle up and down, wrist to elbow.

“No.” Gai was not meeting their eyes. The camera was shooting him in close up, slightly from above, at an angle that showed off his strong brow, his long dark eyelashes. The other Kakashi’s fingers stole into the frame, cupping Gai’s cheek.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Kakashi-sama?” Gai’s eyes met the camera. The darkness of his retinas trapping specks of light.

“After all, you died for me,” Kakashi heard himself whisper. His stomach was in knots even as he thought, _Not true. He didn’t die for me, not like Rin. Also he’s not dead. He’s alive. This is complete drivel._

“Hokage-sama, I am a tool for the village. My body is for you to use and discard as you please.”

Gai’s breathless voice saying that. For a split second Kakashi felt the words on his skin. Shocked, he grabbed the remote, but his traitorous finger would not push any buttons.

“I belong to you.”

Gai’s lips remained parted on the last syllable. In the movie Kakashi’s hand curled around the side of his neck, pulling him close for a masked kiss. In reality, Kakashi’s blood seemed to have left his head in one lava-like rush. The shame of his erection pressing against the seam of his pants.

There were last shreds of dignity to be salvaged if he switched the TV off right this second and took a cold shower, he knew that, just like he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it.

Instead he watched the video version of himself climb onto the bed and tear the flimsy hospital gown off Gai’s body. It was not a perfect copy Kakashi noticed – with something like disappointment now – the real Gai’s body was something else, something almost out of this world. You’d have to have seen it live to believe it and to be able to so much as try to copy it. But even still, it was Gai’s voice moaning softly, repeating that cursed phrase, “I’m yours, Hokage-sama.” Whispering, “Kakashi-sama”

Film Kakashi did not take his mask off. Instead he kneeled over Gai, who was on his back, and unzipped his pants. Kakashi too had no choice but to unzip his pants, his eyes glued to the screen where Gai oh so willingly, oh so gratefully took that fake Kakashi’s cock into his mouth.

How wrong it looked made Kakashi angry, even as he wrapped his hand around his own erection. He wanted Gai’s mouth on this and felt an almost murderous rage at the sight of Gai’s head cradled in the wrong Kakashi’s hands, that wrong penis sliding in between his parted lips. His heart beat furiously in his chest, to the rhythm of Gai’s soft slurping noises and choked little moans.

This is what he would sound like, what he would look like with his eyes closed like that, his mouth working diligently. Those thoughts were wrong, so wrong. Wrong like the heat in his palm, like watching the furrowed brow, the wrong glistening flesh push between lips that were Gai’s and – thank God – weren’t Gai’s at all.

That wrong Kakashi was moving his hips gently, his fingers sliding into Gai’s bowlcut, murmuring in a voice that was kind of his, words that kind of weren’t. Like “You’re mine.”

When he pulled out of Gai’s mouth and there was a close up of Gai’s face, the fragile thread of translucent spit connecting Gai’s lips to the tip of that wrong cock breaking made him feel some relief.

Kakashi squeezed himself hard to dispel the tenderness that colored every frame of Gai for him like a bruise and it hurt.

Film Kakashi sat back on his heels and looked ridiculous with his clothes on and his hard cock out, curving upward like an ugly mushroom. Gai of course was naked and his dick was wrong too, naturally, too big, though Kakashi had never seen the real version hard. Either way it would have to do.

“Kakashi-sama, what do you want?” Breathless and sweet. Unlike Gai, but hot to think he could make Gai sweet like that. That Gai would be sweet for him.

“I want you,” Film Kakashi said.

Real Kakashi groaned and pushed into his hand. He’d dropped the remote somewhere, which meant there was no way out now.

“I don’t know if I can—” Coyly, Gai averted his gaze. Oh no, they were doing that on top of everything else.

Kakashi watched as his movie self lowered himself to his knees again and gathered Gai up into his arms. Gai made what the actors probably perceived as the right kind of noise, a whimper of pain mixed with shame and desire. It went right through Kakashi like a kunai fresh off the smith’s anvil, glowing red hot.

Yes, they were fetishizing Gai’s injury. Because they’d never seen it; they had never smelled burning flesh, nor coughed up black soot the day after watching their friend fall from the sky.

But it worked for Kakashi regardless. It turned him on to see that parody of himself gently turn Gai over and arrange him to his liking, his legs spread just so.  The right leg in a casket, scars snaking up the backs of his thighs.

Kakashi gasped and stroked himself, closing his eyes to focus on the sound and not the visuals. Trying not to think of those early days when Gai really had been at the hospital, really had been too weak to do anything, but still tried to drag himself to the bathroom, even if it meant pissing himself halfway there. He wouldn’t have accepted Kakashi’s help, so Kakashi hadn’t offered.

“I’m yours, Kakashi-sama.” Gai’s breathless whisper, so devoted and pure.  

Kakashi held his breath, waiting for what he knew would come next and when it did, Gai’s moan, an involuntary one, shock and pain turning into lust as he was being penetrated, Kakashi too couldn’t suppress a gasp.

He opened his eyes. On the screen he saw himself, his face buried in the back of Gai’s neck, then a close up of what might be his ass, pale, muscular, moving on top of Gai. Kakashi let his eyes slide shut again, preferring to sink into the soundscape as he stroked himself.

The soundscape: grunts and sighs, Gai’s voice threading through the flesh hitting flesh. He was deliciously loud, moaning and whimpering and gasping and saying Kakashi’s name. Every noise Gai made was a ripple of pleasure, adding to the tension in his abdomen.

Kakashi was tormented by his own lust taking this new disturbing shape. His desire for his best friend or a twisted version of him at least—

_“My body is yours.”_

The noise he would make when Kakashi took him, just like that. How he maybe wouldn’t want it at first, how it would be an act of duty, a sacrifice he would be willing to make for the village, but then, when Kakashi pushed into him and he got over the first shock of it when Kakashi kept giving it to him until the pleasure was too much for him to bear—

 _I am a pervert,_ Kakashi thought. _Gai…_

A closeup of Gai’s face: sweaty, lips shining with moisture, his fingers digging into the mattress, breathing raggedly. His own hand tightening mercilessly around himself and the memories burning through his brain into his bloodstream.

_“Gai…”_

***

Afterwards he didn’t know if he’d said it or the other one. It didn’t make a difference. Kakashi had cleaned himself up, taken out the tape, switched off the TV and curled up in bed.

He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep until he’d tricked himself into the real thing.

***

The next morning, poker-faced, Kakashi handed three video tapes back to Shikamaru.


End file.
